« The World’s Most Unusual Therapist | Home | Chess, not Stress »
The power of forgiveness
By admin | July 1, 2008
This is a true story from one of my clients. I asked her to share her story as I believe it can benefit others who have difficulties forgiving someone or themselves.
It was 3rd January 2008, at around noon I heard my sister my mom and my mom’s sister (I will refer to her as my aunt from here on) have an intense conversation. I knew the conversation had something to do with me as I had heard my name several times. After the conversation ended my sister came up to me and told me she wants me to know something. The minute she finished talking I had tears in my eyes knowing that this was the day the bitter truth had to be told. She started to talk but stopped suddenly, probably she lost the courage to tell me the truth. We decided to head to my aunt’s place and my sister said she would tell me everything there, I was sitting in the car waiting for my sister to come and gathering all the courage to listen to the truth, tears wouldn’t stop rolling down my eyes but I had to be strong. As I saw my sister approaching the car, I forced a smile through my tears hoping she wouldn’t notice anything on my face and to quite an extent I was successful. We reached my aunt’s house had lunch and general conversations. As time was coming closer to head back home I was confused because there were no signs of the truth emerging from anyone. So I put my act together and finally asked, what is it that you wanted me to know? My sister cooked up some story and told me this is what she wanted me to know and I knew she was lying. So I decided to take a step ahead and break the silence. It felt as if I had a mountain on my heart as I forced the words through my mouth and asked her “Iam adopted right?” I could feel her heart sink as I asked her this, and it didn’t take longer than seconds to spot tears in our eyes. She was shocked as well as tearful, shocked because everyone in my family and whoever knew my family was told that I shouldn’t know this truth no matter what, so how come I knew it? The answer was simple I had an intuition about it from a very long time, it’s not that my family ever made me feel like an outsider or anything, but I just knew it and I also knew whose daughter I was. Maybe my higher self and the divine were constantly preparing me to accept this by sending me these intuitions all along. The day I heard my mom whose now adopted me has a sister, the first thought that came to my mind was “maybe I could be her daughter”, and I was around 11 years old that time. My sister started to tell me that my biological mom passed away with 80% burns when I was 5 months old, and then her eldest sister came forward to adopt me. My father is alive but never bothered looking back at me as he didn’t want to take my responsibility, I also have an elder brother who’s living with my dad and is very precious for my dad. I was crying hysterically for 2 days because I couldn’t accept my mom is not my mom and my family is not my family as I love them beyond anything in this world. A few days passed by and I got hold of myself and decided I won’t let myself break down because if I would break down then my entire family would break down. But I was curious to know how my mom looked as I had never seen her picture, so my sister got an old album out and started looking for mom’s picture. We found a picture and she looked like an angel, I was amazed how much I resembled her. I looked at the person next to her in the picture and remembered that I have met this man a couple of times when I was around 7 years old at a few family functions. I asked my sister who he was and she told me he’s my father. I was speechless and my sister was surprised as to how I still remember him and I told her I recalled him because he’s the man who has white patches of scars on his hand. My sister asked me “how do you think he got those scars?”, and I was confused. Then I was told the entire story, my mom and dad were dating since they were in college, and my granddad was totally against dad because he knew my dad was a horrible man, but my mom didn’t believe and listen to grandpa and went ahead and married him. After they got married dads true colors were out, he would physically abuse mom, torture her, keep her without food for days, molest other women in front of her and the day he couldn’t tolerate her any longer he set her on fire. He set her on fire? I trembled as I realized where the scars on his hands came from, they were actually the scars left behind while he set mom on fire. Mom reached the hospital on time, the doctors could save her for the time being at least. Dad never bothered to visit the hospital or even pay for her treatments. Grandpa was going through financial crisis, he didn’t have enough money for basic necessities but he made sure mom got the best of treatments. When the police interrogated my mom as to how she got burnt, she said she was lighting the candle while praying and her scarf caught fire. I understood why she did that, she did it for me and my brother. If dad would’ve been arrested then who would take care of us and bring us up, because deep down she knew she wouldn’t survive for long. She was right, she suffered in the hospital for 2 months and finally left us and went one day. She forgave dad and went away to a place where nothing would bring her back. I had sleepless nights thinking how could she have such a big heart? She forgave a man who gave her slow death, who set her on fire and tortured her so much. I hated my dad the most during those days, hated him for everything he did to her, at times I even thought of taking him to court and have him pay for what he did. But then I realized, that mom forgave him because of me and my brother, when she was the one who went through everything and forgave him for us, who am I to punish him? My brother whose living with dad would be shattered if he ever came to know his mom was killed by his father because he loves dad like crazy. I started to think like mom, I was and still am so proud of her and I knew I had to forgive dad not only consciously but deeply, not only for mom but also for my brother. I started to thank my dad in my meditations, thank him for what? Thank him for setting my mom free by giving her death, at least that was more peaceful than all that he made her go through. I thanked him for not being bothered about me for 21 years of my life, cause if he wouldn’t have done that how would I get such a loving family? My family loves me to the pits, my mom who I live with loves me more than she loves any of her own kids. My elder brother is like a father to me, my second brother never made me feel like an outsider, their wives and kids love me unconditionally, my sister is like a mom to me, what more could have I asked for? I started to count my blessings and be thankful because how many orphan kids are there who live a beautiful life like mine? This entire incident in my life changed me completely, I now look at things in a different way I just feel if I can overcome this then I can overcome anything in my life. I have got a lot of peace by forgiving, and today that hatred, anger, agony which I had against my father has actually vanished. If I ever meet him in my life again, I will try to give him all the love so that I can heal him. Maybe he had a rough childhood or some experience that made him a man like he is now, and maybe a few words of love or a touch of love could heal him and change him in his life. I would never go back to live with him cause I love my family way too much and can’t imagine life without them, but I would like to meet dad someday and thank him for everything. Today iam the person iam is because of the lesson mom taught me without saying a word, and the infinite love my family has given me. I believe that everything that happens in your life, happens for a reason and your meant to learn something from it. If you have a boss who nags you all day maybe he’s here to teach you something, probably patience, so look at the all the wrong people in your life and see what is that your meant to learn from them and thank them for teaching you that and forgive them. What I learnt is how important forgiving is, many people tell me how can you forgive your dad? And I just reply why not? A friend of mine who read this, told me if you keep forgiving people then people will do you more dirt and get more evil. What I want her to know is the difference between people who forgive and don’t forgive is people who don’t forgive live their life in pain. They spend their lives in blaming, anger, agony, hatred, what do they get out of it? Nothing! Does it make a difference to the person whose caused you pain? No! That person is living his/her life happily but whose the one suffering? You! So why suffer? You can try it yourself, just think of a person who you hate the most and the one whose caused you pain, close your eyes and visualize that person. Smile at him/her and tell them how much you love them, you’ve forgiven them and you’ve set them free. Pause reading here if you still haven’t shut your eyes and done this exercise and once you’ve done it sleep over it, and iam sure you’ll feel the peace, and if you do then congratulations! You have just rewarded yourself freedom and peace, which is what completes us in life and which is what this story was meant to do. Wish you all happiness and peace!
A.S.M
© Morias readings 2008-2009
July 1st, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Brilliant! I think, after reading this, I’ll now begin to see things differently in Life
& practise forgiveness now on..Thank Youu!
July 1st, 2008 at 8:45 pm
thank u sooo much! i believe i just freed myself of all the negative feelings i harboured and found inner peace.
i wish the writer all the happiness and peace she deserves.
thank you for extendin the power of forgiveness. will always carry this story with me to give me direction in life.
July 11th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Superb!!! gurl i cannot believe what I just read. How beautiful can you get after writing this?? your thoughts reflect the beauty within you sweety! I must say, you have most certainly precedented a moral for all of us to learn ..the moral of forgiving and healing! To date, I havnt realised the extent to which we hurt and affect ourselvs by the feelings of negativity, anger, revenge since we didnt learn to forgive then..forgive the people who sometimes hurt us at every point unnecessarily because they take us for granted. But now I have learnt to forgive and allow that individual to feel the pinch, to realise its mistake, to overcome negativity and spread love instead. HATS OFF TO YOU WOMAN:)